Friday 13 July 2012

Worst Titles Ever

I like a list. Most of us like a list. It appeals to the average Dr Who fan. It's also a nice easy way to do a blog entry for the first time in weeks.

MY 15 WORST STORY TITLES

15. Planet of the Dead
Not only is it nondescript, it virtually rehashes the fifth ever episode title (The Dead Planet).

14. The Deadly Assassin
For unnecessary tautology.

13. Revelation of the Daleks
Something "of the Daleks" had to be in here. From Troughton onwards, this was the lazy way to name a Dalek story, but Resurrection started a trend of using long words beginning with R. I've picked the season 22 closer because there's just no real revelation involved. But I nearly went for Planet of the Daleks on the basis that it doesn't take place on Skaro.

12. Galaxy 4
Story named after the galaxy containing the planet Drahva. Which doesn't appear in the story.

11. The Family of Blood
A dramatic title. Unfortunately, the eponymous Family menaced Martha and the Doctor throughout the preceding episode too. It's as if "The Daleks" was the title for episode 3 of Serial B rather than episode 2.

10. Colony in Space
Yes indeed, this story contains a colony and it is in space. Thoroughly dull and vague title. Other contenders: City of Death, The Invasion.

9. The Android Invasion
Way to spoil the plot twist.

8. Terminus
Possibly the most boring thing you could name a story after.

7. 42
What was this about? Presumably a clever spin on 24 because it unfolds more or less in real time, this might have been a better conceit if the story itself somehow recalled 24. Or seemed aware of its real-time status. As it is, "42" fails to evoke anything about this adventure.

6. Aliens of London / World War Three
Extra credit for squeezing two terrible titles into one story. The former is clearly a placeholder name; it sounds like a spoof. The latter promises something it doesn't deliver.

5. Four to Doomsday
Numbers should clearly be avoided. This story title simply makes no sense grammatically and sounds clunky. (Ghost Light was also considered for similar reasons.) This whole era suffered from bad title-itis, as you will see.

4. Time and the Rani
Huh? Let's pick one barely-relevant concept and the villain, pair 'em and you're done! Other possible examples: Thought and Davros, Gravity and the Sycorax, Spurious Morality and the Valeyard. (Vincent and the Doctor nearly made it in. I mean, why not Reinette and the Doctor? Another placeholder, clearly.)

3. 100,000 BC
I refuse to use this name. Not because it's wrong or inaccurate. Just because naming the story after the year when three quarters of it might take place sounds crap and sets a dangerous precedent. Mind you, would have helped with UNIT dating.

2. Doctor Who and the Silurians
They're not from the Silurian era. His name isn't Doctor Who. Most of all, no other story has EVER put that prefix in the title sequence. How did no one notice?

1.
First place to those stories which seem to think a single, incomprehensible word will sell a story effectively. It begins with Shada and Meglos, then the two Bidmead stories whose titles at least hint at their contents. Later, there's Frontios. But the winner is...

Kinda

Its pronunciation is ambiguous, it's a boring word anyway, it looks like it's "kind of" a story and the Kinda aren't even the villains.

Bubbling under were The Dominators (cos it sounds kinky) and The Massacre of St Bartholemew's Eve (cos it's too long and a day early).